This week was no less chaotic then any other week I have had so far. The cobweb just seems to grow bigger with every week. A Roller-Coaster of thoughts just seems so endless. A moment I feel that yes this is what I wanna do, exactly how you feel when you reach the highest point in a roller-coaster ride, Blissful! The very next minute, ride begins a speedy descent. And dam it does with freaky speedy. There I go again, what was I thinking! I can’t possibly do that. It’s just not possible. It’s just not meant to be. I would be making a big mistake if I flow in that wave. All such thoughts grip my mind and in no time I am back to ground zero. Was the escape route to find my destiny a mirage or was it the cloud of fear and low confidence that blinded me from taking those critical initial steps.
Philosophical thoughts loog boll to jatae hae… But sallaa confuse hamae kar jatae hae… Ekk banda bol gaya ke, “choices are all yours. You cannot and should not blame anyone for the things that are happening to you. No one can force you to do something or not to do something. You always have the final say. You accept it or reject it, it’s your decision at the end no matter what.” Waha Waha!!! I agree…. But dude keese aur bandae nae yae bhi kaha hae ke, “Its Destiny my friend. A complex calculation of what you have done in previous life and what all you have done so far. No one has or will get any more than he/she deserves.” Boss sahi bolla yaar… I agree again…. Ab bata mujhe… if both are correct and if I make a choice and if it does not work out well then what do I consider it as… a mistake or a minor set back. Considering I have responsibilities on my shoulders and I do not have leisure of experimenting too much plus I have a small time frame to make something worthwhile out of me…. Chaotic right….
Well I really don’t know what would I do next. Whether this roller-coaster, mumbo-jumbo of thoughts ever stops? When would I find what I want and how many times I would fall before it. I really don’t know how much longer will I have to wait for the stability I need. It’s just been a year and a half since I have started working and I have never thought so much ever since I remember. Especially, if so much thinking yields only more confusion then what do I make out of it. I am still there where I was yesterday with a little more clarity of things than yesterday and better preparedness for tomorrow. Vijay, Mr. Nice Guy, My friend correctly said, “Life does not mean no problems, Life means you have problems at every step, small and big, and you toil to get over them. That’s why we call life a lesson learnt only once you are through…. :D ”
